M and I were talking the other day about how our thoughts on aging and mortality have changed in recent years.
I’m 67 and he’s 70–and if someone had mentioned those ages to me just 15 years ago I would have considered them “old.”
Until my mid-50s and maybe even 60, aging never occurred to me. The idea of being considered “elderly” just wasn’t on my radar. I think from about age 40 to 60 we feel pretty much the same age: “adult.” We’re in our careers, we’re raising growing families, our kids are getting married and we don’t really notice aging. We don’t pay attention to it.
Creaks and groans
And then, it happens. Our bodies creak and even fail us. We visit physical therapy like we used to go to the gym. People in our age group get seriously sick and some even die. We think about retirement. We retire.
These were big life changes for M and me and all of a sudden, our thinking shifted. We began to look ahead. We started to consider what would happen when we became infirm. Where we would go. What we would do. Whether we’d have enough money to live. And WHERE we’d live. The future became indefinite in a significant way.
As our nephews became lawyers and then not even first year lawyers we remembered our own early careers and realized how far from that we’d come. How exciting those days were and how far behind us they are.
Not necessarily a preoccupation but…
Aging became a consideration, if not a preoccupation.
When I look at our closest friends, a couple in their late 80s, I realize that, at my age, they weren’t thinking like this. Like us, they were working. Maybe even more than we do. They were vibrantly alive — aging seemed just a blip that appeared once in a while. They inspire me. I wish we were like that. We’re not.
The road ahead of us is unknown and maybe a little daunting, because it’s finite, at least in this world. While others have traveled it, we have not. We don’t know what to expect. We don’t know how long we’ll be on it.
I find myself more and more concerned with mortality, especially since the dear friend who inspired my business died. It’s not such a bad thing, to consider mortality. But what’s so amazing is how different my thoughts are, quite different than ever before.
The reality of aging has hit me and I’m managing through the reality (and aging) the best way I know how. If you can relate in any way to this, I’d love to know more about your own thoughts and how aging has affected your life. Because we’re all in this together, right?
Oh aging, how it sucks! I’m just pretending it isn’t happening and maybe it will go away. One can hope.
I’ve always thought of “old” as a fluid term. Old was always 10 years older than my parents. My mother died at 99, so old is 109. But I do understand what you mean about how my thinking has changed. Now I look at life in terms of how many years do I think I have left? I didn’t used to think that way just 10 years ago. But it is part of what drove me to want to move. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for years and I didn’t want the door to close on our opportunity to start all over again somewhere else.
It’s my favorite quote of his, by the way. And he has many!
As one of your hero’s said “ We’re all just walking each other home” Ram Dass . Some of us remember how we used to walk, some of us are ok with how we walk now, some of us need help walking. In my opinion, part of our purpose is to learn how “to walk” with ease and grace and to be available when someone else asks for help. As we age, we tend to give that more attention. If we can look at it like we left home to come to earth school for the complete learning experience and when the semester comes to an end we go back home It’s part of our fantastic adventure..I’m actually looking forward to what’s next! Carol, we can get into details on our adventure to Mt. Shasta
I think the ride up with you is going to be one of the best parts of our adventure! xoxo
I too think about aging way too much. I am 69 and I have to admit these thoughts are daunting. I can’t even get a dog without worrying thatnhe/she might outlive me. Every plan is made with the concern that the end might come before I have things organized or finished. I am not sure how to find peace bout this.
Yes, we are the same way. And yet I want to work through it and come out in a different place more at ease.
Yes I think about aging. Right now I am healthy and will do things now not in the future while I can. All of a sudden I looked at my calendar and saw I have a doctor appointment or my husband has one very week for the next 4 weeks. Granted there is the eye doc, a dental cleaning, a colonoscopy, things we just have to get out of the way, but still ….
Yes, the view from here is different. For certain.
I, too, think about aging differently. I never thought about it when I was younger but having turned 60 in february, it is on my mind constantly. It is like a nagging thought that I have come to fear. I have always been fit and healthy but suddenly at 60 I find that my body is not as spry as it used to be. I never used to think about mortality but suddenly I am quite aware of it, perhaps too much so. It has actually stopped me in my tracks to think about how much time I may have left on this mortal earth. I don’t like thinking in fearful terms so I have tried to change my thoughts to less heavy ones. All my life I never gave a thought to aging but here I am at 60 and it is in my face. I don’t like it one bit.
Well stay tuned because I’m working on something that might help!